In modern life, the question “how do I avoid getting caught up in my phone?” has become a concern for many. Instead of trying to resist its pull, we need to learn how to redirect our attention. When we are drawn to something bigger, deeper, and truly nourishing for the soul, the phone will no longer be the only thing that interests us. The important thing is to allow ourselves to be drawn into experiences that are exploratory, present, and capable of awakening our inner depths.
Harmonizing Modern Life and Mindful Living: A Journey of Practice
Harmonizing modern life with a mindful environment isn’t simply about “balance”; it’s a process of practice. It requires at least a year of commitment, with both partners supporting each other and practicing daily. This includes small things like meditating, eating mindfully, to planning weekend activities like hiking together, volunteering, going on retreats, or practicing in mindful environments like Diviners. When you create a new ecosystem for your practice, you are shifting your focus and energy towards something of more sustainable value.
In reality, most adults, including parents, are addicted to their phones because they are escaping emotions, emptiness, or unhealed aspects within themselves.
Relearning the Art of Self-Contemplation
We need to relearn the art of self-contemplation in every small action, even when scrolling on our phones or just stepping outside for fresh air. The question isn’t “do I use my phone?”, but rather: “am I using it to confront or to escape?” Some people listen to spiritual teachings or read books about Buddha, but in reality, it’s just to avoid facing reality. When you truly contemplate, you will no longer need to hide – and only then can you express and share genuinely with your family. Contemplation helps us return, not get lost, even when we are doing seemingly “good” things. Because without true stillness, even addiction to positive things can be harmful, not just to you, but to the peace of the whole family.
The Root of the Problem and Solutions from Parents
Forbidding children from using phones is only superficial. More importantly, we need to look at the root cause: what makes the child so attracted to it? How can parents become more interesting than the phone? How can life experiences, from a walk or a painting session to an intimate conversation, become vibrant enough to touch a child’s curiosity and imagination?
When you are truly present, you will awaken your child’s senses. And this is a journey of trial and error and learning, not something that happens overnight. When your child starts telling their friends that their parents are “cool,” that’s when you know you’ve done something right. At that point, you don’t need to force your child to follow, because they already trust you as a true friend.
Children are mirrors reflecting your karma. The things you once avoided, the things you weren’t brave enough to face when you were young – now you will have to fully live through them, redoing everything, through your child. You can run from anywhere, but you cannot run from your own child. Your children are the walls where you must turn back, contemplate, and renew yourself. And this requires patience, a lot of patience.
The material world is attractive because it helps us express our ego, but the inner world requires us to dissolve. Karma needs to be purified; otherwise, no matter how busy or brilliant life is, the same kind of silent pain will repeat endlessly. Dedicate your senses and energy to what is truly important.
Transcending the Ego and Listening to Intuition
When you transcend the ego, you begin to touch intuition. The ego is a self-defense mechanism, where we try to hold onto our name, image, and what we call “self.” But intuition doesn’t care who you are. Intuition doesn’t come from being right or being skilled; it comes from inner stillness, from trusting the journey, even when misunderstood, blamed, or scolded. When you transcend the ego, you will no longer be sensitive, no longer compare, no longer fear.
When you are honest with yourself and ask, “am I truly awake?”, you have touched a form of truth deep enough to awaken intuition. When you are in harmony with everything, you no longer fear anything. Intuition is fearless; the ego is always afraid. Observing your breath is a very concrete way to observe the ego. And when you can observe it, you can make conscious choices. But when the ego is still operating, you will still complain, still worry. At that time, you cannot hear the voice of intuition. And you are also prone to FOMO (fear of missing out) – a chronic condition of young people today. Let intuition guide you. The ego is not bad, but it doesn’t need to be protected all the time.
Teach Children Survival Skills and Genuine Connection
As parents, don’t just teach your children grades; teach them survival skills, the ability to do housework, love, and service. Send your children to places where volunteers are needed, remote areas where they can feel the true value of life.
And when children are overly controlled, they will find ways to cope. That’s why time before bed is so precious, especially for children under 18. That’s when their nervous system needs to relax. There’s no need to talk too much, no need to lecture or preach. Let it be a time when you tell them stories about your childhood, or simply tell them what you genuinely appreciate about them, without complaining or nagging.
Love Yourself and Plan for Change
When you truly love yourself, you will no longer feel tired. Because you live in a continuous flow of gratitude and happiness. To change any habit in the family, plan concretely: each habit needs at least 21 days to change, sometimes 40 days. Structured effort is needed, and don’t forget to celebrate every milestone your child achieves, no matter how small.
Before bed, spend 20 minutes having a conversation that is not one-sided but a two-way dialogue, requiring patience and creativity. Many parents lack time and tend to give orders instead of listening. But if you truly want to be present, you must slow down.
Observing Your Breath: The Gateway to Awakening
And finally, remember that observing your breath will take you from a default state to a state of mindfulness. At that point, you not only calm your mind but also open the door to a deep connection with yourself, your family, and the universe.
Grateful for the wisdom shared by Master Oneness for parents and children on the Mindful Family journey in Nam Cat Tien. See you all at the next Mindful Family journey with Diviners.
